Needs vs. Wants: A Mental Health Perspective on What Really Matters

Have you ever found yourself mindlessly scrolling through social media, impulse shopping online, or reaching for yet another snack—only to feel empty afterward? In the moment, it might have felt like you needed it. But later, a quiet voice asks, "What was I really looking for?" Understanding the difference between needs and wants—especially emotional ones—can be a game-changer for your mental health.

Understanding Needs vs. Wants

Needs are essential. They're the things we require to survive and thrive—like food, water, sleep, safety, and connection. Without them, our physical and emotional well-being suffers.

Wants, on the other hand, are things we desire or enjoy but can live without. They bring pleasure, but they aren’t foundational to our health or happiness. The tricky part? Sometimes our wants disguise themselves as needs.

Emotional Needs: What We Can't Live Without

Emotional needs are often invisible, but they are no less important than physical ones. These are the foundational experiences we all need to feel whole and mentally well:

Love and connection
Safety and stability
Respect and validation
Autonomy and control
Purpose and meaning
Understanding and empathy

When these needs go unmet, we may feel anxious, depressed, disconnected, or even physically unwell. And yet, instead of tuning into these needs, we often chase emotional wants.

Emotional Wants: Quick Fixes That Don’t Last

Emotional wants aren’t inherently bad. But they’re not a substitute for our real needs. These might include:

Constant praise or attention on social media
Instant replies to messages
People always agreeing with us
Avoiding any negative emotion or discomfort

These things might offer short-term satisfaction, but they rarely meet our deeper emotional needs.

Real-Life Examples: Uncovering the Real Need

Emotional Want
Underlying Emotional Need
Validation from strangers online
Genuine connection and acceptance
Avoiding conflict
Safety and emotional security
Someone to "fix it" immediately
To feel seen, heard, and supported
Constant distractions (TV, phone)
Mental rest and emotional clarity

When you find yourself craving something, pause. Ask: "What am I really feeling? What do I actually need right now?"

How to Honor Your Emotional Needs

Name your feelings before reacting:
Try, "I feel overwhelmed," instead of reaching for a quick fix.
Practice radical self-validation:
Your emotions are valid even if no one else acknowledges them.
Seek connection, not just attention:
Talk to someone who truly listens.
Create emotional boundaries:
Not to shut people out, but to protect your peace.

Final Thoughts: You Deserve to Have Your Needs Met

Wants can bring joy, but they shouldn’t come at the expense of your deeper needs. When we constantly reach for emotional wants, we miss the opportunity to give ourselves what we truly need: rest, love, connection, and peace.

You don’t have to earn your needs. You deserve for them to be met simply because you are human.

So this week, take a moment to check in with yourself. Ask: "What do I really need right now?" Listen to the answer. It might just change everything.

Discover more on our website: www.abetter-you.org
We'd love to connect and hear about your journey. Reach out to us at
302- 635- 0991 or send us an email to: [email protected]